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Pupil stabbed in a fight over a girl

In a classic case of ogling gone wrong, a pupil from Nairobi was stabbed and killed two days ago after he had been accused of eyeing another guy's girlfriend. The sad thing about this is, the deceased was just a kid of 16 years! He wasn't even having an affair with the said girlfriend - just appreciating beauty and he gets killed for it.

It's nothing new hearing about school boys fighting. They always have one reason or another. I mean we know we are God's gift to man, but never did we think that guys would actually fight over a girl. Fighting over someone is just so classic of woman behaviour but boys? Didn't think so.

So boys fighting isn't the issue here, we've already established that there is nothing odd there. But to go as far as stabbing another human being? What was the other boy even doing with a knife at school? And his jealousy was strong enough to kill a fellow student just because he was LOOKING at his girlfriend? Apparently this unfortunate kid who lost his life isn't the only one who suffered at the hands of the jealous boyfriend. His two friends are actually in hospital now, as they had tried to intervene on their friend's behalf.

And where is the child killer now? Nobody knows. He is in hiding. Where is the world coming to if minors are displaying such behaviour?

Weeding the Contact List

I have gotten to that point where I realize that there are people in my life who do not really add value to it. For real, I am thinking if we know each other, then if I think of you, something should at least come to mind - be it laughter, warmth, love, dollars :). But if I can't think of anything to associate you with, then I shouldn't even have to think about you.

And how do I not think about such valueless people? Lol, do not think me callous just yet, having no value to me does not mean they are not valuable. They are, just not to me. Anyways, back to my question, how do I deal with these people? I weed them out of my contact list!

I just love that chore. I don't know if I should call it a chore though because I enjoy it. It's like deleting someone out of your life you know. You must be wondering why I should be feeling satisfied about myself when I say that. Well here is the thing ladies, one becomes less and less valuable to you because of a host of reasons. Could be because you had a fight you couldn't resolve, they just started annoying you, for no reason you do not like them anymore... the list is endless.

So I have this ritual. Occasionally, I go through my contact list - its usually one of those times you're either just bored and haven't got anything to do and noone interesting is on app, or someone annoyed me insane. Anyway, so I go through my contacts and unmercifully delete all those "useless" people, lol.

This is just half the satisfaction mind you. The 100% joy comes when they decide to call or app and I have no idea who they are and I'm like "I'm sorry who is this?". Lol, if they thought we were close and this is the last thing they ever wanted to hear, then that irritation is what just makes my day!

Lol, yeah, I'm mean like that - sometimes. But we all have a mean streak don't we? I just happened to tell you mine. So don't judge me.

Simuka Comedy for the first time ever goes on television!!!

Simuka Comedy has never been wilder in its endeavors as it is doing now. This April it comes together with ZimComedyLive to form the first ever Comedy Banger to be filmed for television. Kinda reminds one of Voltron or Transformers ey? Yeah! 

Putting up the biggest lineup of Zimbabwean comedians ever, what could go wrong with Carl Joshua Ncube, Michael K, Doc Vikela and Simba The Comic King on the same stage. Fireworks are a definite guarantee people!!! The big guns are then to be joined by a new crop of comedians on the night from all over the country! I mean the Comedy Banger couldn't be more truly Zimbabwean even if it tried!

This show is one not to be missed at all. Even our local celebrities are super excited about it because most of them are not going to be anywhere else that night. So Simuka is not just going on TV this April, nor is it just promising an explosive comedy night. But it is giving a guarantee of a great show and to those who have never had a run in with the local public figures; the 10^th of April is the night to be at Simuka this April!!!

The Comedy Banger show will be at the Book Café, on the 10^th of April, starting at 8pm sharp. Admission is $5.

PS Do not miss what could potentially be the next big Zimba show!!!

Black former BP executive says she was fired because of her ethnic style

Last year early December, a BP executive got fired for wearing ethnic clothing and hairstyles to work. And the excuse she was given was that she wasn’t getting along with her workmates and the like. Funny thing was, throughout the year, she had received excellent reviews. So she, Melphine Evans claimed that it couldn’t be anything else except her ethnic style at work.

So maybe wearing her ethnic clothing was going overboard a little. I mean otherwise, if everyone decided to wear their cultural clothing to work, circus wouldn’t even begin to describe that scenario! But hairstyle!!!??? Now that’s just pushing it!

Apparently her company did not appreciate her natural hairstyles, namely the cornrows and twists. Ah! Now hold it right there! This woman is black! Ethnic hair is part of who she is. And it only makes sense to have styles that suit your hair type! So now it’s a sin to have ethnic natural hair!!!???

She was told her style intimidates her co-workers and that she should only wear it on culture day or during the black history month. Handle!!! In this 21^st century people still have the gall to say such things? I know we Black people are super sensitive about these things and had a black person said this to Melphine, she probably would have laughed it off. But if you are getting fired for it you don’t laugh it off ey. You go straight to the courts! And that’s where Melphine headed to without even a backward glance!

They could have said her dressing isn’t professional or whatever, but in an extremely polite and race sensitive manner! Not to go all “your dressing is intimidating and should be left for culture day and black history month”, ah! No way!!!

Friends

Friends make the world go round don’t they? Girlfriends especially. They are the ones you plan, plot and scheme with. If it’s a boy you like, they’ll help you make sure he notices you. Although sometimes even with the best of intentions you end up being seriously embarrassed.

So what to love about them? Well, if they are your real friends, you know they have your back no matter what. So this means if it’s about being unanimously mean to some girl who thinks she can mess with you, then your girls are your people! If it means an emergency styling session for that HOTT date, then your girls can be depended on to deliver!

But you just have to hate the gossiping!! I mean, I love gossiping, I so will not deny it. It’s like every time we get together with my girls, there just has to be a whole list of people that needs talking about. And when I say talking about I don’t mean just a brush over. Oh no! It’ll be a thorough talk about session. Maybe we should start our own The Talk. It’ll totally give us the excuse we need to talk about people inside and out, getting into their business and everything without even feeling the least bit guilty eh? Lol.

And then there are the boy friends. Well these are my fav! Very little gossiping, lots of spoiling and they can be depended on for muscle, lol. Ever gone out, and there was this horrible looking guy giving you unwanted attention? And it seems the harder you push him away, the more encouraged he gets? Well, if you are with the boys, all they need to do is say a word or two, and you are all clear! I love that!

You gotta hate it though when one of you ends up friendzoning the other. Aaaargh, that’s just nasty! If it’s you doing the friendzoning, it’ll probably be either sad or funny, depending on how you take it. But if it’s you being friendzoned! Nothing is more frustrating! You won’t stop being friends with him because you like him, but being friends with him means this continued unfair relationship. Oh things can be hard for sure.

But friends are friends ey. Even when they are at their most irritating and annoying. They are almost like family, and you just gotta love and hate of course, sometimes though. J.

Am I the only one who crushes for radio djs???

When I listen to the radio, it’s not just the music I’m interested in you know. It’s much more than that. It’s the programs, the conversations, the stories, and most importantly of course, the VOICES!!!

I’m a girl, so obviously I’m talking about the guy djs eh. Don’t you find it interesting how you can draw a picture in your head of what the dj must look like based on his voice and accent? And it’s so frustrating how you can’t see to confirm if the picture you have is at least closer home.

So it doesn’t make sense to have a crush on someone you don’t know now does it??? More so, someone who doesn’t even know you exist!!! But does that stop me from falling for more than my fair share of djs? HELL TO THE NO! Why? Because I can’t help it!!!

When was the last time you listened to the radio yourself? If you listen to it often then no doubt you have your favourite programs. Why? Because your fav djs present them. Now Why would you have a fav dj when you don’t even know what they look like? BECAUSE THEY HAVE GREAT VOICES AND ACCENTS!!!

I remember when I visited my aunt and uncle in S.A late last year; I just could not get off the radio! There’s this particular station which was like a treasure cave of djs with awesome voices and accents! My holiday couldn’t have been better! I fell in love!!!

How could I not when I had guys with to die for voices talking to me on radio. Yes! To me!!! I mean, who else could they have been talking to if not me? Huh? Lol, don’t worry; I’m no crazy obsessed stalker. Just a girl who loooves good radio.

Totally hope those guys look as good as their voices sound eh?:)

ZimComedyLive - First ever Zim comedy TV series

I am pretty sure every time you watched Trevor Noah, Kevin Hart or Chris Rock you always wondered if we had comedians in the country. Fair and fine we used to have the likes of Paraffin, Mukadota, Mutirowafanza... but those are referred to in the past tense now. Besides, we couldn't exactly put them in the stand up comedy bracket now could we?

So what about stand up comedy? Well query no more my friends, because even if you miss comedy events happening at comedy clubs, you can now watch Zimbabwean stand up comedy from the comforts of your homes!!!

But are they funny? Is it real stand up comedy? Is it worth your time switching from DsTV to ZTV every Thursday night just to watch ZimComedyLive?

Don't take our word for it, check out this trailer of the VERY FIRST screening and hunt me down to kill me if you are not impressed.

     

Aha, proudly Zimbo like that!!!    





 

The Green Walkathon Zimbabwe

The long awaited for walkathon is finally about to start. About to start probably even makes it seem as if it’s still a long way – the day after tomorrow is when all this excitement begins.

Why excitement? Well this is the first time anything like this is happening in the country! We’ve been so used to people minding their own businesses that when an individual decides to mind everyone’s business, we cannot help but be super impressed.

What am I rambling on about am sure you’re wondering by now. I am talking about Proudly Zimbabwean Foundation’s Executive Trustee Fungai Chiposi who is going to WALK 1000km through all of Zimbabwe’s main cities – Plumtree – Bulawayo – Gweru – Masvingo – Birchenough Bridge – Mutare – Rusape – Marondera and then finally Harare.

“The walkathon will be an exciting cause and we are very eager to come and join Fungai for 10km in Manicaland”, said Nyarai Muza from Zim Youth Global Network. Nyarai is based in the U.K but she is so excited about the walk and what it means that she is not letting the seas stop her from being a part of this. “The walkathon is meant to focus attention on litter in our homes, our workplaces, our communities, our highways – basically, our country”, Fungai said.

But who is this Proudly Zimbabwean Foundation you might want to know. Well they are the ones behind the BIN-it-Zimbabwe campaign which installed 318 bins in Harare through the participation of over 20 companies. They’ve also had clean ups in all major CBDs across the country. They even had a fashion show dubbed Trashion. Proudly Zim is definitely in the serious business of keeping Zimbabwe clean.

The main goals of this Green Walkathon are to raise attention to our environment with particular emphasis on solid waste management as well as to raise US$500,000.00 to smoothly execute BIN-it-Zimbabwe. So how exactly is walking going to achieve all of this?

As Fungai walks this 1000km walk, he will pass through nine main cities and towns. Awareness campaigns, cocktails and press conferences among other activities will then be held in each city, once Fungai has reached it.

Exciting doesn’t even begin to describe this. So as the Green Walkathon effectively begins on the 12^th of March in Plumtree, look out for it in your town and be part of it once it arrives!

Marriage – Is that the only thing a woman can do?

I often wonder if society believes that all a woman is good for is marriage. From the time a girl is old enough to heed instruction, most of it is about preparing her to be the perfect wife. I wonder if the boys get hammered about being the perfect husband like we do about being the perfect wife.

Every little thing you do has to be on point! Be it doing the dishes, sweeping the house, washing your clothes – everything MUST be perfect. If not, every older female will definitely have something to say. Might be your sister, aunt, mom, grandmom – they’ll all have an opinion or two about the kind of wife you will make based on the quality of your household skills.

Remember hearing, “you keep that up and you shall suffer where you will go”, “such laziness, we don’t want you disgracing our family at your in-laws”... and the reproaches continue. You would think the girl being told this is engaged. Yet not at all! She is probably in her early teens! And then they wonder when she elopes at a very tender age.

No wonder most girls think marriage is the ultimate goal. But there is life after the lobola has been paid, the white wedding has happened and you are now called Mrs so and so. Besides home making and making your husband happy, it’s also important to have personal goals and make YOURSELF happy!

If people are talking about a girl’s education or profession, everything has to be conducive for her marriage. Like seriously, is that all we are good for? Getting married? I think not! So much more to life than just being a Mrs so and so.

PS Something to think about this International Women’s Day.

Simuka Comedy and Umahlekisa Comedy Club invade Masvingo

This March Harare’s Simuka Comedy and Bulawayo’s Umahlekisa Comedy Club join forces on an invasion of the city of Masvingo. The first of its kind, an invasion of this nature must not be missed.

Why not? Why well because some of the country’s craziest comics are going to be for the first time in one place. And that one place is none other than Masvingo. If you have heard Clive Chigubhu, Ntando Van Moyo, Doc Vikela and Gift the Cracker individually you can agree with me that the comics are nothing short of insane. Now imagine a show with all four of them. Still wondering why it’s being called the invasion? I think not.

With the arsenal of comedians on a black ops mission of sorts, Masvingo certainly isn’t going to be left the same. What with a whole weekend of crazy laughter? How do I know about the crazy laughter? Well because according to Doc Vikela, “the people of Masvingo can look forward to a great show because we are going to bring it”, and in Ntando’s words verbatim, “We want to break people’s intestines with laughter”.

So if you are in Masvingo or near Masvingo this weekend on the 14^th and 15^th of March, the place to be is the Charles Austin Theatre because that is where all the action is happening at. Both shows start at 1900hrs and admission is $3 per night.

So why do you love him by the way?

Oft times we become so used to saying I love you that you almost forget why you love him. So what is it about him that sets him apart from every other guy?

Is it his eyes? The way they twinkle when they are taking you in? You know when a smile reaches the eyes, there’s nothing being faked. When you have that eye contact, it’s like there’s no one else in the world at that moment except you and him. And the way his face lightens at the sight of you is most definitely what you dream of at night every day.

Or maybe it’s the way he says your name. Sure one or two random people say your name wonderfully, but nobody says your name the way he does right? And when he calls you by those endearing names like babe, honey, sweetheart, you most definitely feel like his sweetheart hmm?

Why again did you say you love him? Is it the way you feel when you are in his arms? Because really, there’s no better place on earth to be yes? Listening to his heartbeat, and feeling his breath on your neck, how could you not love him for that?

Sure everyone talks of how men in their lives are caring, sweet, thoughtful, considerate and everything, but your man gives a whole new meaning to being in love with you doesn’t he? The attention he gives you, the way he makes you feel a part of his life, the way you know he’s yours no matter what and you his is just magical isn’t it? 

When you’re apart he’s the one always on your mind and when you’re together you can’t think of anything else. You won’t even give the hottest guy in town a second glance. Why? Because he is the one you are always thinking about.

Is it infatuation? Is it just a phase? No darling, you’re just thinking of all the things about him that make you love himJ.          

5 types of men we’ve all probably fallen for

I have no idea how many guys you’ve dated so far. You probably didn’t even date that many. But fact of the matter is, once or twice, you definitely found yourself falling for one or two guys in each of these categories.

1.      The Bad boy

He was that guy who wouldn’t even spare you a second glance, the one you had to work really hard just so he would notice. At first you probably wouldn’t even say hi for fear of him seeing right through your crush. When he finally came up to you and struck up a conversation, you could have died.

2.      The Sweet guy

He is probably that guy who made you smile when you thought of him. Why? Because he went overboard. You didn’t see yourself talking to him at all, and somehow he found out what your Facebook name was, sneakily got you to give him your number, remembered the very tiniest of detail about you and made up every excuse in the book just so he could see you. How could you not fall for a guy like that???

3.      The Charming heartthrob

He was the perfect gentleman. Just his smile made your insides tingle, and when he looked at you like that, you couldn’t help but go insane. He was always a step ahead of you, never did the obvious, and took his sweet time showing interest that when he did finally ask you out, you could have flown to the moon.

4.      The BFF

Well he’s the guy you hardly noticed because he was busy acting as your BFF. No subject was taboo, he was your crying shoulder, you could call him anytime and he was always there for you. And when you discovered you had fallen for him, well, you didn’t know what to do about that now did you?

5.      The one who blew you away

And then there are those who literally took your breath away. Every woman loves a guy who takes charge. Not in the irritating way of course. The way he did it probably left you lost for words. Super talkative, didn’t give you the chance to say no. Remember him? The guy who knows what he wants, when and how to get it.

Definite good old days eh? Lol.

Bad hair spells

I say spell because anyone can handle a bad hair day. A spell is a whole different issue altogether. It can be weeklong, two weeks, a whole month and no time is as torturous.

Ever noticed how things decide to go wrong together? At that time of the month when broke doesn’t even begin to describe you, that’s when your hairstyle decides it needs changing. But at that moment you can’t because you have debts, bills and a whole list of things that need addressing.

You would think in a situation like that, the universe would be kind to you. But what usually happens? You meet your old flame when he is looking as hott as the desert sun. Him looking fine isn’t a problem at all, your looking like a charity case is what could just give you a nervous breakdown

.

So you quickly say your pleasantries and you bolt ey. “Maybe it’s not as bad as I think” you think to yourself. At this time you are walking somewhere in downtown and what do you hear? “Hey sister, come let’s change that hairstyle for you”, those are the street hairdressers calling you.

At this point you start thinking, “oh man, is my hair really that bad???” I find those women heartless! Because if I want my hair done, I’m pretty sure I know where the salon is!!! Besides, how many times does one just go to get her hair done by some random person? Because when you are going through such a spell, the last thing you need is affirmation that indeed your hair is horrible.

I’m sure a guy reading this would probably wonder why we won’t just get haircuts. Personally, it would sooner freeze in hell before I went to the barber! Lose my what? Hair? No way!!! And that’s the thing, we don’t want to have the hair cut, but at one point or the other, we can’t afford to keep it the way we would want. And that’s when you see someone moving around with a weave with ends looking like a blanket.

Life can be so nasty!!! But that’s a bad hair spell for you.

8 Ways to know there’s trouble in paradise

Have you been wondering what’s going on between the two of you? Having this nagging feeling that something is definitely up? Well here are a few alarms that should definitely get your bells ringing.

1.      He doesn’t call as often anymore

The normal excuse you make for him is, “maybe he doesn’t have airtime, and he did say he’s going through a rough patch didn’t he...” Well I wonder if when you started out people were getting airtime for free. Don’t get me wrong, so not being unreasonable, but it all becomes rather too convenient don’t you think? At that time you feel he is becoming distant, and he can’t “afford” to call you?

2.      Conversation feels stilted

I can hear you going, “oh but my boyfriend is the quiet type, maybe it’s that”. Oh really? So now he finds it difficult to make conversation? If he is so reserved, how did he once manage to keep you on the phone for hours on end and have you laughing till you couldn’t take anymore?

3.      Says he’s busy

I find it hard to believe that when things were good he had nothing on his plate whatsoever. Seriously. If he could make time for you then, what’s different now?

4.      Claims to not know how to make you happy

He probably said something like, “tell me what to do babe blah blah blah”. Oh puhleez!!! Now, all of a sudden, you need relationship advice? From me? Nxa!

5.       Doesn’t text as often

Personally, whatsapp enrages me. If I can see that you are online and it takes you forever to respond? Aaaaaaaargh!

6.     Feel like you’re not top priority anymore

If he finally remembers that oh by the way you exist and you get your first hello sometime close to or after midday, surely you can be forgiven for wondering why you’re even bothering.

7.     Tired of feeling like he’s your crush

Having a crush is just tiring. You put everything he does and says under the microscope. “Did he do and say that because he likes me? He couldn’t have looked and smiled at me like that if he wasn’t down for me...” It’s definitely trouble in paradise when you finally stop caring.

8.      If you feel it, you can’t be wrong

Sure thing you might be wrong and he is indeed going through some things. But how true is that excuse most of the time. A woman’s intuition seldom misses the mark. Simply having those mixed feelings is a reason for something.

The Rasta people

I find there’s lots of fascinating things about almost everyone with dreadlocks. Why? Because when you think maybe you are just stereotyping, you find that noo, you are actually on point!     

 

Don’t worry; I’m not going all racist on you. Nah uh uh, just simple curiosity on my part. I’m sure you’ve wondered the same thing yourself. Why is it most white people who are attracted to black people, the blacks have to be dreadlocked? What’s the fascination? Is a black person with dreadlocks their idea of the true African experience?

It’s funny that when we are busy doing all we can to rub off anything slightly African on us, some people are actually super attracted to that. I always wonder, if a girl who had any one of these pure African looks – dreadlocks, braids or natural hair, if she decided to change her look and get a weave, what would happen? Would there be trouble in paradise?

And how is it almost everyone with dreadlocks wants to be Jamaican? Seriously, why? Is it like a requirement that once you have yourself some dreadlocks, you ought to sound rasta too? Never mind sounding rasta, how about looking rasta? It’s like once you have locks, the look isn’t complete without the red, yellow, green and black hats, jewellery... And don’t forget, Bob Marley has to be on at least on item of clothing.

I also wonder why dreadlocked people are associated with weed? Don’t even go all holy on me and accuse me of being prejudiced. You know what I’m talking about. If the police were to suddenly show up and a raid was going on, where do you think they would look first? Well there you go.

Ever noticed too how most dreadlocked people are artistically oriented? If they are not into theatre, music, or sculpting, they are definitely trying to get into that one way or anotherJ. But that’s the rasta for you.

Thinking about it though, it’s pretty cool. It’s definitely more than just a hairstyle eh, it’s a lifestyle.

Zim’s own royal wedding!!!

The country was in a frenzy this past weekend. What was happening? Well unless you live under a rock you know that Zim’s very own royal wedding was happening!!! 24 year old Bona Mugabe was wed in holy matrimony to 37 year old Simba Chikore at the first family’s Borrowdale residence.

 With such a powerful surname as Mugabe, we wonder if Bona is going to change her last name. But then, Bona has largely been a private person, hasn’t so much as ventured into a little bit of politics, so maybe it won’t be too difficult becoming Bona Chikore eh.

The first daughter has definitely made the parents proud and even the whole country. Almost everyone was glued to their tellies Saturday afternoon eager to not miss any action whatsoever. And what did the proud father do for his only daughter? According to The Telegraph, he spent 3 million pounds on the wedding! We also heard renovations were being made for a house he lived in Mount Pleasant before the State House. There are obviously more gifts we do not know about. But what more would you want from a father?

We especially loved the fashion! Bride and groom looked heavenly in white. And Simba’s jacket was just to die for!

And the hott young Mr Mugabes looked dashing in red. Why haven’t they been making the Sexiest men alive list???

Makorokoto Bona and Simba.

Beyonce – Barack SCANDAL???

We hear there are some interesting rumours about U.S president Barack Obama and songstress Beyoncé Knowles. Intriguing fun fact is that it’s the French press excited about this development. American media surprisingly however, seems to be totally uninterested.

“Disinterest” may even be a serious understatement; and one wonders why such a unanimous response by the American press? If you watched the popular American series Scandal then hearing this piece of juicy 411 is bound to prick your very interest.

Is Beyoncé our very own real life Olivia Pope? And Barack? He is certainly as hot as president Fitzgerald Grant. Have you seen him talking, walking, smiling? It’s hard to believe such a heartthrob is in his 50s!!!

But let’s get back to Scandal. Is there tension between the president and Michelle? There were some very curious pictures of the two, suggesting hostility on Michelle’s part and oblivion on the president’s at Mandela’s funeral. Remember that? Did the cameras get those expressions wrong? Or is Michelle like Scandal’s Melie? Simply putting on a show of the perfect marriage?

As irony would have it, just as Olivia Pope was a part of Fitz’s campaigns, so was Beyonce for Barack! She worked really hard raising dollars for our dear leader of the free world. Even if she isn’t America’s most powerful fixer, she is one of America’s most powerful women. Seems she is always at the white house – formal and non formal occasions. She did a performance at Michelle’s 50^th party, and as providence would have it, she also sang at both of Barack’s inaugural ceremonies!!! Or is Barack just that much of a fan???

And why were the French excited??? Well After their own Francois Hollande was caught in a tide of infidelity, the French media got excited when it discovered the same signs in the Obama couple’s still and moving pictures as those that had existed in the Holland couple.

But even though both parties are insisting there is no affair, there is no smoke without fire you know. And doesn’t the Barack marriage look just too perfect for words? Too good to be true is our opinion!

But that’s Scandal for youJ. Let’s see where it all goes shall we?

“Joys” of Womanhood

It’s not really clear how people define when one becomes a woman. Is it when she has her first flow or at that moment when she is deflowered?  Well for the purposes of this article, let’s agree one becomes a woman when she has her first flow shall we.

This is when all the “joys” begin. You are only in your very early teens and the monthly burden begins. What’s so ironic about this is that you do not want your periods but you do not want to miss them either. What’s so bad? Don’t even get me started on the mood swings, occasional pain, the simply irritating notion of something flowing out of you and having to be extra everything – cautious, clean... super annoying!

And then you grow up and you meet countless good for nothings you foolishly thought were your Mr Rights. Mr Right for real finally comes along and still you don’t know if he’ll make an honest woman of you or not. Nothing is certain and nothing can be taken for granted.

God bless his soul he does make an honest woman of you. Now you ought to abandon your surname and take his, as if yours didn’t matter. Sure he saved you from the alternative – staying single and enduring the social stigma for all eternity, but did the surname have to be the price to pay???

Now that you are married, you are expected to be super bionic woman. Isn’t you asked for emancipation, empowerment and education, well go ahead and go to work but make sure you cook, clean and wash after him too.

As if that was not enough, your body has to be tarnished as well. 1, 2, 3, 4 all these are babies coming one after the other as if you were a birthing machine. Goodbye hott bod, and hello flabs, stretch marks and the whole lot that just makes you cringe at the thought. And in not too long, menopause comes knocking at your door.

Aaaaaargh!

A dip into the world of prostitution.

Have you ever wondered why prostitution is called ‘the oldest profession’? What it is however, is definitely controversial. Sometimes it’s a religious question and at other times it’s a moral one. Both of which hardly warrant basis for enforcement from any standpoint.

I wonder however if this issue hasn’t been solved because of who the beneficiaries are. Who has a problem with prostitutes the most? Society? It couldn’t be the men obviously. Their interests are well served. Single women probably couldn’t be bothered; it has nothing to do with them.

So if its married women who have a problem with prostitutes, is it any wonder why they have been around for so long? I found it interesting there are so many words to describe one who sells herself for sex - prostitute, whore, strumpet, harlot, lady of the night...

Call girl and streetwalker are the two I found particularly intriguing. Call girl, otherwise known as a female escort is a somewhat “classy” prostitute. I suppose they prefer sex worker to prostitute, lol but whatever. These women apparently do not display their professions to the general public. No ma’am. They are too “classy” for that. You won’t even find them in brothels. They may be employed by an escort agency, client must make an appointment and lol, ladies even have their own websites. A streetwalker on the other hand, she is your regular whore. Apparently anything goes for a price.

It seems there are class levels in this business - some trashy and some up class. I wonder what a woman would prefer if she were to catch her hubby in the act. Would she rather have him with a call girl or a streetwalker? Lol, or is there no lesser evil?

Whatever the case, prostitutes are ubiquitous sadly. It’s a wonder how they have weathered the storm. They have survived bans, raids, stigma – one could say they are invincible! INCREDIBLE!

Well that’s the world of prostitution for you. A cancer that can’t be cut off and is oddly embraced by parts of the society. Still calling it a woman’s world? I don’t think so.

Miniskirts banned in Uganda

New legislation in Uganda banning miniskirts and any revealing clothing has just been recently passed. The new law is called the Anti-Pornography Bill. It is therefore illegal to wear revealing clothing, including tops that show too much cleavage and miniskirts defined as anything above the knee.

Now hold it right there! Anti-pornography bill? Oh really? Ok fine, we’ll play. Apparently this is assuming that men are the only ones sexually excited by the opposite sex’s clothing. Why isn’t there a ban on muscle tops and the like? “Too much cleavage”. Can that even be quantified? Who determines what is too much and what is just right??? Well at least the miniskirts have a definition.

Any article of clothing considered sexually exciting is also illegal. Again, how do you define that exactly? Some men are excited by calves, now what are they going to do about that since the skirt is not mini at all, it is simply showing the calves, yet someone has been excited already?

Feminists in Uganda are seriously outraged, and rightly so. They point out that such laws set dangerous precedence against women’s rights. Nothing could be more accurate! Today, in this 21^st century, if women are back to being told what to wear, then what is the point of all the efforts of the past centuries to emancipate women!?!

They say it is because today’s dressing is against our culture, it is immoral. Is that right? I think many need serious reminding of what the TRUE African dress is. True African dress leaves nothing to the imagination. The upper body is BARE. Nothing at all covers that part. The lower body? A very short cloth barely covering the privates.

And they claim to be going back to the old tradition. What tradition? It certainly isn’t ours we are going back to!

Where did Harare come from?

I have always been fascinated by the history and origins of things. Haven’t you ever wondered where our city and town names came from? Thanks to a weekend spent with the old folk, I learnt there was so much more to these names. Of course I had to Google to make sure and what do you know, my folks hadn’t gotten their oral tradition wrong at all.

So where did Harare come from? Well, apparently, Harare is a corruption of Haarari (He never sleeps/one who never sleeps). This was the name given to the Zezuru Chief of this north eastern part of Zimbabwe. His name was Chief Neharawa (sometimes called Harawa/Harava) and he had his base at the Harare Kopje.

I’ve discovered there are about two theories as to why Chief Neharawa was called Haarari. The first is that apparently the chief became ill and for a long time did not sleep. So the locals would ask, “how is the chief?” and those closer to him would sadly respond, “aaaaa mambo haarari”, meaning “the king never sleeps”. The second is that it is said Chief Neharawa claimed that no foe could ever ambush or sneak upon him because ‘he never slept’.

So how did the capital become Harare? At first Harare was the name of the country’s oldest township – Mbare. Mbare was established in 1907 and was then known as Harare Township, located near the city cemetery, sewage works and abattoir.

After researching about Harare I obviously wondered about Bulawayo ey, it being the country’s second largest city. As the story goes, the city was founded by the Ndebele king – Lobengula who settled in modern day Zimbabwe around the 1840s. So the name Bulawayo comes from the Ndebele word KoBulawayo which means “a place where he is being killed”. It is thought that at the time of the settling, there was a civil war as some opposed Lobengula as the legitimate heir to Mzilikazi, hence “where he (the prince) is being killed.

I also found out Kadoma was called Gatooma in the Rhodesian era. You know how the settlers were like, if they couldn’t pronounce a word, they would make do with what they were able to, lol. And surprisingly, Chegutu was Hartley. Apparently, it was named after some farmer.

Interesting heritage there don’t you think?

FAWEZI signs an MOU with the Ministry of Primary and Secondary Education

The Forum for African Women Educationalists Zimbabwe Chapter yesterday achieved a phenomenal milestone as it signed a memorandum of understanding with the Ministry of Primary and Secondary Education at the Ambassador House.

FAWEZI is a branch of a much larger organisation known as the Forum for African Women Educationalists (FAWE), founded in 1992 by five African women ministers of education, among which was Zimbabwe’s very own Hon. Dr Fay Chung. Twenty two years down the line, the organisation has not only matured but has established 35 National Chapters across the continent.

In Zimbabwe, FAWE’s efforts through the national chapter have seen about 480 girls and boys benefiting from bursaries, three of which graduated from the University of Zimbabwe this last year. In addition to that, FAWEZI has also managed to establish girls clubs in 108 schools.

The organisation does not only work at the grassroots to get results, but also works with other NGOs to advocate for policies favourable for the successful educating of the Zimbabwean girl child. Through the signing of the MOU that was signed this 27^th of February by the Minister of Primary and Secondary Education, Hon. Minister Cde L.D.K Dokora and FAWEZI Chairperson Mrs I. Z Mkondo, the organisation now has the full support of the Ministry in executing its vision which is to see the Zmbabwean girl child completing her studies and performing well at all levels.

“It’s a formalization of a long standing relationship which was long overdue”, said Ms Nyanungo, Chief Director Human resources of the Ministry of Primary and Secondary Education. The FAWEZI committee was also elated about the memorandum as the Charperson, Mrs I. Z. Mkondo highlighted how it was a great milestone for FAWEZI and a memorable experience indeed.

Heartbreaking heartbreaks

One rarely ever has okay breakups eh? Unless maybe if you are the one initiating the break up. Of which even in that case, if you really did love that person, am pretty sure some part of you will still be pained.

I always wonder why it hurts so much when he decides to leave you. He’s not family, you didn’t grow up together and he certainly isn’t dying. So what’s the deal? Apparently the heart is a very fragile vessel eh?

I don’t know what hurts the most, when it’s unexpected or when you had seen it coming? When it’s unexpected I suppose it cuts because you would have been in a bubble, thinking you are there together yet, the whole time he was probably scheming on how to get rid of you. Eish! I suppose that cuts even more because then you start to wonder what went wrong. Was it you? Was it him? What happened? Did you do something or is he just a deucebag? It’s frustrating!

And if you had seen the signs all along, I figure him beating you to it is the worst. Everybody’s got healthy amounts of pride. And it must be that wounded pride that makes the heartbreak even more heartbreaking. You figure why didn’t I just end it when I saw the signs? Strained conversation, him being distant, not calling as often, feeling like you were forcing him to go anywhere, and just that intuition that this is over.

But then, am pretty sure at the time you didn’t want to be rash. You figured he’s probably going through something and made up a million excuses for him. And then after the breakup upon reflection, you can’t stop kicking yourself for being so stupid and not being the first to act.   

The nasty thing is, regardless of how many people you’ve dated, you can never get used to heartbreak. It never gets easier and you sure never get used to it. True African Woman feels you if you’ve just gone through a heartbreak. And it must be hard when everyone is feeling all romantic for no reason.

Well we can’t say get well soon. Or our condolencesJ. Wait a minute, what does one say to that? Well whatever, point is, you’ll be fine and not too far from now, you’ll be so thankful for this very heart wrenching moment. But in the mean time, be strong and know that you’ll be fine. He isn’t worth your tears at all. But it doesn’t mean you can’t make yourself feel better by crying out a whole river. Cry out a whole ocean if it makes you feel better. Just know the pain like everything else will end and you’ll be fine.

In the mean time, our prescription is lots of ice-cram, chocolate, tissue, chick flicks and girl friends. Now that you have the ingredients – you know the drillJ.