WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ‘NEXT OF KIN’ IN AFRICA?

I was watching Dallas just recently and there is a scene where Christopher Ewing clashes with Pamela Barnes’ mother over what medical procedure to be taken where Pamela is concerned. Christopher wants the surgeons to do all they can to save his wife and the babies (they were having twins), while the mother wants the surgeons to save Pamela only. Of course the doctors listen to the husband, albeit reluctantly.

This got me thinking, what happens in Africa. When the doctors ask for the next of kin, who do they mean; is it the spouse or is it the patient’s family? I then posed this question on the social networks and well, we had quite a heated debate. And from this argument, I realised our society is made up of many shades of grey.

One thought is, if we said next of kin should be the spouse, then this means the patient’s family relinquishes all rights to decide the fate of their child. They are putting their child’s life in to the hands of someone they only got to know because of their child who married them. This is quite frightening because what if the spouse does not have your relative’s best interest at heart? Or what if he/she cannot think clearly because of the grief?

And if ‘next of kin’ means the spouse, does it mean the spouse does not confer with the patient’s family on the best course to be taken? But what if spouse and family do not agree, what happens then? In our African culture, can one actually stand up to his/her in-laws in such grave matters, especially if they are female?

Another thought however is, if a couple is married, should the extended family not interfere? But in our culture, the extended family is just as close as the nucleus family. So this means the patriarchs and matriarchs still play a crucial role in the married couple’s lives, especially when it is something as serious as their child being incapacitated.

So what is the right thing to do? Should the spouse leave the family to make all important decisions regarding their child lest something wrong happens and thus, his/her hands are kept clean? But what is the point of marriage then if man and wife are still under the control of their individual families? Although, does it mean that if your child is married you can no longer look out for their well being?

What then would you rather have? Your spouse to have full responsibility over you when you can no longer make decisions for yourself, or is that too serious a task to be taken away from your family?