UHURU DESTROYS AT KALAWA!!!

If there is one thing the Ndebele know how to do, it’s definitely to party! And it doesn’t help too that “they all dance like they all belong to one dance group or another”. With that in mind, Kalawa is just the place to be when it’s in town. Especially this time around when Uhuru did wonders on stage!

In its second year running, Kalawa Home Coming brought to Bulawayo (Oskido’s hometown) South African House masters in the Kalawa Jazmee stable. This year had Dj Zinhle, Dr Malinga, Uhuru, Professor, Character, Busiswa, Oskido himself and a host of artists that rocked Queens Sports Club from Friday night right up to Saturday morning.

Dr Malinga was quite entertaining, especially with his comical green outfit and dance moves which made you wonder if he craved being a ballerina. He however frustrated us as he kept teasing us with Orlando (Only occasionally doing snippets of it here and there), when that was clearly what we were dying to hear! But this was not before Uhuru had come and declared who the kings of the roost are.

 When Uhuru went on stage, the effect they had on the throngs of people that had come is indescribable! The guys were all fired up. Their performance was such that even my friends declared the $20 they had paid to enter was nowhere near worth the show they had just seen. Even the songs you didn’t know, you couldn’t help but get down to them. They were that good!

Kalawa was definitely a House galore. Although, if you are a Hararian like myself, it tended to feel like overdose House at times. Don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with House, just that a full night of House can be torturous, lol. But that’s probably the reason why the show was in Bulawayo and not Harare eh?

You had to love the fashion. The gals were dressed to kill, they were there to dance and that meant dance floor friendly attire. However, it never ceases to amaze me how you will find one or two who come with heels to such an occasion. I mean come on! How in the world are you going to pull an all nighter with heels??? And some had close to nothing on. Did I mention the thing was an outside event, and it was in the dark! Who is going to notice your bare cold legs at 12 midnight when they are busy grooving to Uhuru, Professor or whoever was playing at that point?

The show finally came to an end at 6am – Saturday morning, after Oskido and the ladies –Busiswa, Nokwazi and Candy had made sure they had given us one for the road. Sure there were negatives like one or two bad performances, slow and ridiculous service at the refreshments tables, and dogs outside that made you wonder if it was a crime that you had come to the show at all.

But otherwise, Kalawa rocked and we are going to be there again next year!!! If not way before Oskido and crew even arrive, lol.

 

 

YOU KNOW YOU ARE DEFINITELY IN LOVE WHEN...

When you find yourself smiling to yourself for no reason, thinking about him every waking second of your life, and wishing you were with him all the time... then you should know that YOU ARE HEAD OVER HEELS FOR SOMEBODY!!!

Almost everyone has been hurt more than once or twice in their lifetime. And at that time when you thought your heart couldn’t take any more pain and you had vowed to never let yourself be vulnerable again, someone came along and whisked you away and you never knew what hit youJ.

But then even with that, you probably still wonder if you are actually in love with this person, or maybe you are just going along with the tide. However, there are always those tell tale signs that if not obvious to you are blatantly clear to anyone who cares to take a glance.

Take willingly taking absurd risks just to be with him for example. If you are still under your parents’ roof and your parents are the typical ones who always need a good story for them to let you out of the house, then I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. When Keisha White said “you make me lie”, girl was being for real. But point is, no Tom, Dick and Harry can “make you lie and make someone else an unknowing fool”, if you weren’t hopelessly in love with them yes?

When you find yourself only having eyes for him and no one else, even when he’s leagues away, then you know. They say “out of sight, out of mind”, but then again, they also say “distance makes the heart grow fonder”J. It’s the kind of guys who you are really not that in to whom will go out of mind as soon as they are out of sight. But when it’s him, the heart can’t help but grow fonder.

I did say before that we’ve all been hurt before. But when you begin to really fall for someone, you stop caring if they break your heart or not. It doesn’t matter anymore about being cautious and everything. All you care about is enjoying it whilst it lasts and if something goes wrong, whatever, point is, you would have lived, loved and loved it.

Now if that’s not being hopelessly in love, I don’t know what isJ.       

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF ‘NEXT OF KIN’ IN AFRICA?

I was watching Dallas just recently and there is a scene where Christopher Ewing clashes with Pamela Barnes’ mother over what medical procedure to be taken where Pamela is concerned. Christopher wants the surgeons to do all they can to save his wife and the babies (they were having twins), while the mother wants the surgeons to save Pamela only. Of course the doctors listen to the husband, albeit reluctantly.

This got me thinking, what happens in Africa. When the doctors ask for the next of kin, who do they mean; is it the spouse or is it the patient’s family? I then posed this question on the social networks and well, we had quite a heated debate. And from this argument, I realised our society is made up of many shades of grey.

One thought is, if we said next of kin should be the spouse, then this means the patient’s family relinquishes all rights to decide the fate of their child. They are putting their child’s life in to the hands of someone they only got to know because of their child who married them. This is quite frightening because what if the spouse does not have your relative’s best interest at heart? Or what if he/she cannot think clearly because of the grief?

And if ‘next of kin’ means the spouse, does it mean the spouse does not confer with the patient’s family on the best course to be taken? But what if spouse and family do not agree, what happens then? In our African culture, can one actually stand up to his/her in-laws in such grave matters, especially if they are female?

Another thought however is, if a couple is married, should the extended family not interfere? But in our culture, the extended family is just as close as the nucleus family. So this means the patriarchs and matriarchs still play a crucial role in the married couple’s lives, especially when it is something as serious as their child being incapacitated.

So what is the right thing to do? Should the spouse leave the family to make all important decisions regarding their child lest something wrong happens and thus, his/her hands are kept clean? But what is the point of marriage then if man and wife are still under the control of their individual families? Although, does it mean that if your child is married you can no longer look out for their well being?

What then would you rather have? Your spouse to have full responsibility over you when you can no longer make decisions for yourself, or is that too serious a task to be taken away from your family?

                                                

 

WHY DO GUYS DO THINGS FOR GIRLS?

I’ve always wondered why guys do things for girls. As in, why do they buy airtime when you call and ask for it, why do they give you something of theirs even if they don’t want to, or why do they go out of their way just to make you happy?

Someone said it must be the smile. But it got me thinking, really? Does giving your best smile and batting your eyelashes have such an effect; so strong that you can get a guy to do almost anything for you? But what of when your request is over the phone, via text even? What motivates them then?

And then another thought came. Maybe it’s because guys hate to see a damsel in distress; but then, why such good hearts? People are never just nice for no reason with no ulterior motive. Because it doesn’t make sense, how is it when it comes to girls, guys suddenly feel the urge to become good Samaritans?

Or perhaps they only do nice things for us because they are hoping for “something” in return. But then again, that doesn’t make any sense either. Because sometimes you manipulate a guy you don’t even know to do something for you and sometimes it’s not even a big thing that warrants him getting “something” in return. It could be you asking for change, a good table at a restaurant, cheaper cab fare... It’s weird!

So what is the conclusion of the matter hmmm? How do gals get guys to do their bidding so easily? Is there something about being a female that a guy cannot say no to? Does it depend on the female asking and the male being asked? Is it manipulation on the female’s part or would the male have wanted to help the damsel regardless of what and how she would have asked?

What say you ladies and gentlemen?

 

                                                                    

Wannabe Bad Boys Trying To Look All Macho #SAD

Have you ever met guys who want to look all macho, but in actual fact aren’t? Guys who want to give the impression they are bad boys, when in reality they are anything but?

I got into the same kombi as some guy I know last week. This guy is usually very reserved, almost totally inconspicuous – you wouldn’t even realise he was there even if he said hi. So on this particular day, I saw him coming in and he was about to sit close to me and I thought aah nice, someone I know, I am so not going to pay for my own fare.

So obviously I had to chat him up and be nice, aaargh what a mistake that was. The whole ride from town to my place seemed to never end. Just listening to him talk was an arduous task! I won’t lie, at first it was actually quite amusing, but then it wasn’t long before he became outright annoying. And that’s when I realised, this isn’t the only guy who wants to put up a front of the kind of person he isn’t.

The amusing thing is, actual bad boys don’t go around telling people what they are. All it takes is to just look at them and you will know without being told that the guy is a bad boy. Granted, many girls are attracted to these kinda guys, but the allure dies if you have to wait to be told the guy is a bad boy!

There’s another guy I know who for lack of more adequate terms I will say annoys and irritates me to the core! Everything about him is fine, until he starts talking. He always wants to give the impression he’s popular, that nothing worth mentioning can be done without his presence or approval and this is the killer; he’s the kind of guy who wants to give the impression that he’s arrogant and doesn’t care.

I know by now you are wondering why I have a number of people who irritate me, but that’s what it is, and since you cannot teach an old dog new tricks, I am resigned to being forever annoyed by these people. Another group of guys who make my skin crawl are the ones who to be frank aren’t much to look at, nothing about them is the least bit charming, yet they feel like they are the kings of this world. Ah!

What is sad is that these wannabes actually believe they are God’s gift to women. They actually believe girls are attracted to them when they go all wannabe bad boy. UNBELIEVABLE!!!

 

StartupBus Africa – The Unconventional road trip

If you have ever been on a road trip, then your heart should definitely bleed at the fact that you were not on this one - the StartupBus African Tour. With a Harare - Cape Town route, nothing could have beaten such an experience.

 

StartupBus is an initiative by entrepreneurs for entrepreneurs based in San Francisco. Its aim is to create a global community of highly motivated and networked, tech entrepreneurs. The first StartupBus toured 2009 in the USA, and since then more than a dozen busses a year have visited a variety of cities all over the world. This time around, Africa was the latest destination for the Bus.

Out of over 200 applicants, 15 African and 15 international entrepreneurs from 14 countries all over the globe were chosen to participate on this unique journey and were accompanied by 10 mentors. On the 5-day journey the entrepreneurs, who had never met before, built startups. Once on the bus, they pitched their startup ideas to the rest of the “buspreneurs” and formed teams. The newly formed teams then got started on building a prototype over the next five days. When the bus finally got to Cape Town, the teams pitched their products to a panel of investors and serial entrepreneurs. This year’s pitch took place in a township near Cape Town.

The participants of StartupBus Africa consisted of 50% software developers, 25% graphic designers, and 25% business developers. And for the first time in StartupBus history, half of the buspreneurs were from Africa and half were from the rest of the world, and 30% of them were female .

Shaun Benjamin, one of the participants from Zimbabwe felt extremely honoured to have been part of the Tour and in his words, “StartupBus was an awesome experience." And according to Fabian-Carlos Guhl, the Conductor of StartupBus Africa, the tour was very successful, the applicants exceeded expectations so much that the Bus is definitely coming back to Africa.  

 

 

A MOMENT WITH TARIRO NEGITARE

Tariro Ruzvidzo a.k.a Tariro Negitare is among Zimbabwe’s young artists soaring in the music industry. With Oliver Mutukudzi as one of her many inspirations, Ruzvidzo has never looked back ever since her discovery by Edith weUtonga back in '09. We met up with the Singer, Songwriter and guitarist and this is what she had to say:

   TAW: It’s quite an interesting name you’ve got there Tari. Why Tariro Negitare?
   {She smiles} “Well, it’s a true representation of who I am. I am Tariro and I play the guitar. I wanted a name that would truly represent my image and what I do and still maintain my identity as a Zimbabwean musician. That’s why it’s in Shona.” {hmmmm}

  TAW: We know in addition to being an artist, you are also a business woman and  female activist yes? Do tell us about your alternate egos?
  “Alternate egos? {She laughs} Yes I run a company called Wildfire Africa which specializes in events and PR. I also run a project called the Acoustic Night which I run in partnership with the Zimbabwe German Society to promote performing artists. I am also an activist for gender issues, mainly promoting gender mainstreaming in all spheres and because of this I am a board member for Teshe Young Women’s Movement, an organization that promotes women empowerment.” {Talk about super womanJ}

TAW: You seem to have a special relationship with the Zimbabwe German Society.   Care to tell us about that?
“The ZGS is a cultural institution that promotes relations between Zimbabwe and Germany. Wildfire Africa, which is the company that I run is in partnership with the Zimbabwe German Society for a project I founded called the Acoustic Night. Apart from that it is a great venue for shows and a cool place to hang out.”

TAW: With such affiliations with the ZGS, do you speak German then? How many     more languages do you speak?
“Ich Spreche ein wenig Deutsch (I speak a little bit of German.) {ha ha ha}Prior to our Germany tour earlier in the year, part of our preparation was to learn German. It’s a pretty difficult language but it was fun because our class was full of artists. I also speak some French which I learnt in High school.” {Now how about that}

TAW: You also have a family yes? How do you juggle being a mom and super woman?
“Motherhood is not easy but it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I suppose juggling everything is really by God’s grace and it keeps me going. I wouldn’t want it any other way! A lot is about time management and setting priorities.”

TAW: Tell us a little about your family?
“I come from a family of 3 boys and 2 girls, me being the fourth. I have a daughter and she is 7. They are extremely supportive and love them to bits!” {Ncoooooh}

TAW: What crazy thing are you going to do before the year ends?
“My life is crazy enough!” {ha ha is that right?}

TAW: What is the dumbest thing you have ever said or done?
“Mmmh! Now why on earth would I want to expose my dumb blonde moments??” {She laughs} {lol, even we can’t help laughing to that!}

 TAW: Finally, what would you like to say to your fans?
“I would just like to thank the fans for the overwhelming support so far and assure them that the best is yet to come. I also want to encourage everyone to believe in their dreams and to do the best in everything because you never know which area God will release your purpose!” {Absolutely touching!}

And that was our moment with Tariro Negitare.

 

 

 

 

MEN, WIVES, PROSTITUTES: LOVE TRIANGLE?

If there is one thing which never fails to baffle me, it has to be the men, wives and prostitutes “love triangle”. Well first of all, what is it exactly? I used “love triangle” for lack of a better phrase but really, what do these people have going on?

One thought is; why do men decide to be promiscuous? Is it because they have too much love that one woman cannot take it alone? When they go off to prostitutes, is it because they love them? Or is it just that they do not respect and love their wives enough?

Or maybe it’s the wives’ fault. I’ve heard it being said more often than not that women change as soon as they get married. That Miss Independent who used to be a traffic stopper transforms into a nagging cow. Where once her scent could make a guy miss a step, she now smells of baby milk. She spends the whole day in horrible baggy clothes and doesn’t seem to care what happens to her hair. In that case, do we really blame the guys for seeking for greener pastures elsewhere?

And then sometimes I wonder; maybe there is something the prostitutes have that the wives back home don’t. Do the men get better treatment there? Are they made to feel more like real men when they are there?

But then there are those women you just wonder at how a man in his right mind can leave such a woman. You know the kind I’m talking about; the kind who are the essence of elegance, and the epitome of beauty and sophistication. Yet you will still hear that someone cheated on her. So now that gets me confused. What do men want?

Is it so difficult to have one woman till death do you part? I mean, why settle down if you are not ready to settle down? Yes we may say wives this and that, but is it the wife’s duty alone to make sure her hubby doesn’t cheat? If marriage is a partnership, then aren’t both parties responsible for keeping each other happy?

Apparently all that glitters ain’t gold eh?

LOVE POTIONS: A PROBLEM OR A SOLUTION?

I was listening to the radio last week in the evening and as it so happened, the subject of discussion was love potions (mupfuhwira). They actually had traditional healers on the show and listeners calling in. All in all, it was an interesting show and it got me thinking about a whole lot of dynamics.

One caller asked why women use love potions, and one of the healers said it was the men’s fault because they ill-treat women, so women are left with no choice but to go for love potions. I would think that this is forcing matters though. If someone does not love you anymore, is it not better for the two of you to try and work it out or find love elsewhere?

There was an argument that sometimes it is revenge on the woman’s part in response to the husband’s cruelty (in terms of promiscuity, abuse...). In Shona they call it kugadziriswa (being sorted, a kind of action that results from one having said “you shall see”).

Why do they call it kugadziriswa? Because it is being sorted for sure. One usually takes leave of their senses when it comes to the woman who would have administered the love potion to them. They become puppets. Not only do they become submissive to their wives, but oft times, “a woman can even bring her boyfriend in to the home and the husband will not mind”, the healers said.

Another caller sounded infuriated as he accused the healers of witchcraft, but the healers simply responded calmly, claiming that the potions have always been among our people and are meant to improve relationships and make their love sweeter. Some women even began calling asking where they could find these healers so they could also get these potions for their husbands.

So the question is; is it the men’s fault that they end up being “sorted”? Is “sorting” your husband the solution to your marital problems? Or does using love potions cause more harm than good? Apparently, most potions are so strong that not even death can break the spell. Meaning if the wife dies and even if the man remarries, he will always be under that love potion’s spell.

Zvino manje ndirwo rudo rwacho here?

                                                         

 

 

Simuka Comedy Presents ImprovComedy

Just when you thought Simuka couldn’t come up with something else interesting and exciting after the Comedy Fiesta which just ended, it comes and blows your minds away once again.

Simuka Comedy brings to you a night TOTALLY ACTION PACKED and TOTALLY UNSCRIPTED!!! With an unrivalled track record of firsts, the team from Simuka Comedy brings to you another first – the first ever ImprovComedy.

But first of all, what is ImprovComedy you may ask? Well, it’s typically a form of stand up comedy where most or all of what is performed is created at the moment it is performed. If you have watched “Whose line is it anyway?” then you have the general idea of what we are talking about. The show will feature some of Zimbabwe’s funniest comics including, Simba The Comic King, Doc Vikela, Seb Diesel and some of the new kids on the stand up comedy block.

So make a date Africa, because this is one show you DO NOT want to miss! Why? Because:

“It’s the first of its kind, so expect anything to happen”, Simba The Comic King said.
The ImprovComedy Night is scheduled to start at 7pm sharp at the Book Café on Tuesday the 17^th of December. Admission is $5 and tickets will be available at the entrance on the night.

See you there!                                                   

Beauty Is... Official Trailer (2013) HD

Dark skinned women have so many perspectives of what beauty is. But is it the true beauty they aspire to? It is all about being natural versus being artificial.

Toyin Agbetu explores these dynamics in his film: Beauty Is... to be released sometime in 2014.

R.I.P. DJ SMOOVE

It's a sad Friday as we mourn the passing of Deon Fulton a.k.a Dj Smoove . He was killed early this morning in a car crash whilst coming from a gig he was dj'ing at Club Envy in Borrowdale.

Born and raised in Brownsville, Brooklyn, Dj Smoove fell in love with hip hop and dj'ing at the  tender age of 14. Thanks to his supportive parents he was able to have an early start to his career and ever since then he has literally been all over the world. Rest in Peace Deon Fulton.

 

 

THE #SIMUKACOMEDYFIESTA CLOSES IN STYLE

The past three days have been phenomenal for Hararians who are stand up comedy fanatics! Tuesday night had Doc Vikela and Comrade Fatso; while Seb Diesel, Simba The Comic King and Clive Chigubhu were on the line up for the Wednesday show. Last night now, was a classic finale with Q The Boss, Ntando Van Moyo and Carl Joshua Ncube.

The show started shortly after the set time and just to add a bit of a twist, we had some young guy beat box for us. CHILD GOT SKILLS! He had the whole room ringing with applause – a definite good start it was. Q The Boss was hosting and well, it is no secret we LOVE the guy, and with good reason too. I mean, what’s not to love, when he makes sure you get your money’s worth of a show!

After the two open mics, it was Ntando’s turn to do what he does best on stage – cringe comedy. Cringe comedy is a specific genre of comedy, where the intent is to make you uncomfortable rather than make you laugh. And that is exactly what the brother did. When he got down to talking about sex, politics and popular figures, you could not help but be uncomfortable and yet laugh in spite of yourself.

Oh we are going to miss Simuka because this week has just been amazing! But before we start tearing up already let’s get back to the show shall we. Alright, so Carl Joshua Ncube was headlining the closing show of the #SimukaComedyFiesta! And awesome thing was, he did not disappoint. Everybody loved him, and so did we J for a change.

The guy was all fired up, energy literally oozing out of him, we liked! Everybody was in stitches by the time he got down to talking about how Shona is so not a romantic and cool language. And then when he went:

“Shona was never meant to mix with the English language. You wanna speak in English but the Shona in you just wants to indigenize the conversation.”

We couldn’t help but crack up. And his disses were just insane! Dudu Manhenga, Pokello, Ubert Angel and the ZBC news crew – all where at his mercy and all we can say is EISH yeah!

Unfortunately, the show had to come to an end sometime and it was over just too soon! Even Q didn’t want to go home yet. Because after Carl there was a short open mic session and the beat boxer was called back on stage, sadly all was in vain because the show did end.

The Simuka Comedy Fiesta was AMAZING! We were at every show and we loved it. There better be more shows like this because we feel like we are on comedy drugs now. And the thought of having to wait too long for another show just gets us into premature withdrawal symptoms – literally. Lol.

BATTLE OF THE COMICS: 2ND NIGHT OF THE #SIMUKACOMEDYFIESTA

The second night of the Simuka Comedy Fiesta at the Zimbabwe German Society last night was nothing short of awesome! A definite battle of the comics. I mean even the open mics were on point and we could tell the pros felt the pressure.

Tavengwa and Simba (J not The Comic King) were the open mics and nothing else can be said except that they blew us away. Tavengwa especially because this is the first time he really did make us laugh insanelyJ. And Simba; my oh my. His composure before he speaks you would think he was not going to do anything worth listening to, but afterwards, you are left thinking, “this guy is amazing!” His ghetto chick vs uptown chick was as hilarious as it was insulting.  And he got away with it too, how could he not when he managed to get roars of laughter out of us.

Seb Diesel was hosting and yes, he made the show very interesting. What with his random “games” with the audience? His hosting was most definitely a breath of fresh air from the last two times we saw him performing (lol, just saying).

The Comic King was first up, and well, they do not call him the king for nothing. Handle! In his introduction he says:

“This show is sponsored by Savanna so if the jokes are dry ladies and gentlemen, blame it on the alcohol”

Ha ha, well the jokes were far from being Savanna because we definitely took them!!! (Not saying that we won’t take the actual Savanna lol). We loved his composure and stage presence – the guy wasn’t rushing to get off stage and we liked that because we didn’t want him to go anywhere either! We also appreciated the fact that he had lots of new material as well as a lot of twists to his old ones. We say that because there is nothing as irritating as hearing the same thing over and over again, especially if you are a crazy fan.

Finally it was the Headline Act’s turn – Clive Chigubhu. This time, he came with a bang! We could tell he could feel it was a comic battle too because before he went on stage, there was no smile from the guy. He hardly responded to anyone. And then when he got onto the stage, he was a different man! He got laughs at every turn, and with his energy, nobody could afford to not fall in love with the guy. I mean who wouldn’t when he entered with Xigubu playing in the background? He made us laugh so hard we could NOT resist responding to his signature “yeeeee yeeeeeeee”.

We so cannot believe the fiesta is almost over. This was giving us something to look forward to every evening! But we will not weep just yet because tonight is going to be even more explosive. Why? Because there is Carl Joshua Ncube, Ntando Van Moyo and Q The Boss on the line up, back at the Book Café. So see you there ladies and be prepared to laugh your wits out! Lol, no pressure Simuka.

 

 

SATIRE AT ITS CRAZIEST POINT!!! #SIMUKACOMEDYFIESTA

Last night saw the beginning of the first ever Comedy Fiesta in the country – hosted by Simuka Comedy. And to say it was mad crazy fun would be no overstatement!

What did we love most about the show? Most definitely the SATIRE!!! And well, nobody does it better than Doc Vikela! But before we get to that let’s rewind to when the show started. Show started a little later than planned – apparently Simuka had forgotten it was dealing with Africans who on this particular time could be excused if they happened to include Mandela somehow in their reason for being lateJ.

Speaking of Mandela (God rest his soul), the man got so many jabs he could have turned in his casket! And shame on everyone for unashamedly cracking up at the comics’ wicked impressions of the old man!

Madzitatiguru and Gift were the first two open mics and they managed to get the crowd all hyped up that when Shingi went up on stage, the audience could not help but double over with laughter at every turn. What with his poking fun at White people’s dancing and black people’s singing. You just had to laugh at his emphasis on the different types of Black people – the BLACK AMERICAN and the AFRICAN BLACK!!! Lol. Watch out Zim Comic giants! Shingi is coming for you!!! I mean, guy even got a standing ovation!

Did I mention Comrade Fatso was hosting? There is nothing else we can say except that the guy is INSANE!!! Just after Shingi had left the stage, he comes up and says:

“What’s wrong with you Shingi coming up here and talking about what White people can and cannot do. Well let me tell you what white people CAN do! They can live in Borrowdale, they can eat sushi on Sunday...”

By this time we could hardly breathe with laughter. The nerve! Pity he didn’t hear us shouting PFUTSEK!!! from the back, lol. And then it was Doc Vikela’s turn. We need to pause for this one because there was so much energy from the guy it got us exhausted just watching himJ.

He came up to the stage with his signature entrance – dancing to Koffi Olomide’s Lua. Of course the crowd got excited. And then he got around to philosophising about how and why Africans dance the way they do. Apparently, according to the doc; North Africans mostly use their hands to dance because of how they are at the top of the continent (exhibit 1: The Chop My Money Dance), Central Africans use their midsection mostly because they are in the centre (exhibit 2: the rhumba/ndombolo dancesJ). And then Southern Africans were just the best – Zimbabweans especially! Apparently we use our feet mostly. And the sungura came because people were used to riding bicycles and listening to the radio (wireless device would be on the shoulder) ha ha.

Doc is ruthless when he decides to poke fun at popular figures. Dude knows no bounds. Even ZBC, Happiness Muchechetere and a number of ministers were not spared. That is the doc for you. And with that, the show came to an end.  

Tonight, the fiesta moves to the Zim German Society, with Simba The Comic King, Clive Chigubhu and Seb Diesel on the line up. If the first night was that crazy, the second can only reach higher levels of insanity! So let’s make a date eh Africa tonight at 7pm sharp at the ZGS for another night of crazy comedy.

UNEMPLOYED BY 40 – RED RED WINE!!!

Red, red wine
Stay close to me
Don't let me be alone
It's tearin' apart
My blue, blue heart

If you remember these lyrics then you are no longer as young as you would like to believe yourself to beJ.

So someone I know lost a job recently. The hilarious thing is, most of her friends are also jobless – some never got jobs since they left school and others, like her, were just recently fired. Now how does that work really? How is it that we are considered to be a country with one of the highest literacy rates in Africa, yet those many “educated” brains do not seem to be doing anything worth mentioning!

A friend of mine today sounded very frustrated this morning as he was going to work. He has just graduated, is volunteering, so there is no salary to talk about. Some of his peers are already doing their Masters Programs and his frustrations were that he still has to continue with his schooling because there is just too much competition in this country to allow yourself to be complacent and be comfortable with mediocrity. Yet, even with that, getting a job is no piece of cake.

They say “necessity breeds invention”. So how about we quit whining and feeling sorry for ourselves and be a little creative. Duncan Campbell and his whole mob of friends came together in 1978 and gave the world what became one of the best all time bands - UB40.

Lol, so how about we have our own modern day UB40s springing up? UB40 Comedy Club, UB40 Street Theatre, UB40 Clowns...J. So if you were wallowing in self pity, cheer up dear, and make the best of your situation.

#RedRedWine

 

 

THE RAINS HAVE COME #KusortwaNemvura

It was my mom’s birthday last Thursday. And like every daughter who loves her mom, I went on a quest to look for the best gift I could get her. All the ground work had been done by my siblings and what was left was for me to go and look for the gift and buy it.

This was a task and a half! Working with a tight budget in addition to wanting to buy something she would love was no easy job. Luckily, I met a friend who made the task quite enjoyable. Unfortunately though, it started raining whilst we were still shopping. Note: emphasis on the phrase IT STARTED RAINING! Not drizzling uh uh RAINING – CATS AND DOGS!

The annoying thing was, in the morning, the weather had been nothing short of heavenly – nice and sunny. And then all of a sudden from nowhere, the weather made a drastic transformation. As if getting soaked on a good day wasn’t enough, it had to happen when I had nothing warm on. It made me think of the gals out there who like to put on weather friendly clothing which in this season is usually nothing. Lol, at this time wearing close to nothing was hell on earth because it was COLD!!!

The good thing about town is that almost every building has a shade so if you are late like we were and cannot afford to wait out the rain, you can edge your way along the shaded pavements till you get to where you are going. Oh did I mention none of us had an umbrella? No, we didn’t have umbrellas, no car, no taxi money and we were in uptown and had to go all the way to downtown for our kombis! Yeah, it’s definitely being served by the heavens when they decide to empty themselves on us like that!

So what we would do is edge along the shades, and then run like the wind when we had to cross roads. You just had to laugh at the way we got confused once we were on the other side because all we were thinking of was the need to get out of the rain. And then when we would have gotten to the other side we would find ourselves going in different directions :) .

When we finally thought of getting an umbrella, we were almost by the kombis, but here is the funny thing. The rain wasn’t as heavy anymore, but the roads were now FLOODED! So much that most times there was no way of getting to the other side without wading through a body of dirty brown water. If you had cheap shoes, then this just was not your day.

Interesting thing is, even with that kind of nasty weather, people will not leave town! Traffic was just crazy, too much unnecessary congestion. And then well, there just had to be some drama. Some guy thought he would make a quick profit, grabbed some lady’s purse, and well, provided us with a scene because here we were watching thief and victims playing cops and robbers, lol you have never seen a man run like his life depended on it, because this one – his life actually did depend on it.

And what of the people who kept missing their steps and falling head on in to the dirty puddles? Thursday afternoon was definitely THE afternoon to be in town. And yeah I did get served - what with the whole getting soaked? Lol.

Kunonzi kusortwa nemvura chaiko.

#ALMOSTAllDivas MAKES A SMASHING DEBUT!!!

Tuesday night was just a crazy night at the Book Café as #ALMOSTAllDivas made its first appearance. There was a reasonably good crowd, with more divas in the house obviously. Yey to the girl power support! Women cracking jokes on stage was an extremely welcome relief especially when the show was happening in line with the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence.

BlackPearl was hosting the show and to say she killed it would be an understatement! But let’s put a pause on that for now and talk about Kessiah. Kessiah was first up and ha ha the diva is insane. Our favourite was when she did impressions of women crying at funerals – our African funerals. J You just had to be there, because that gal can put up a show!

Izzy the Witt was next and well nothing does it like a diva who talks like she knows everybody has got to sit, shut it and listen because she is on stage. We totally loved. But then again, it’s probably a poetry thing because even BlackPearl had that effect on stage and they are both poets.

Speaking of BlackPearl, we never want to miss her show ever. What with the invaluable info she always has for the ladies? No way! Our fav was when she coached us on how to get a guy to get you a drink at a fancy place and then lose him in ten minutes. At this point we got an N.B – it’s not gold digging, the gold is already on the surface, so all you are doing is picking it up, lol!

Marian was the last diva of the show and my oh my was it a chore for us. Two minutes in to her set we had more than gotten the point that she has a rainbow family, with mixed blood beautiful children. She on the other hand felt it of utmost import to make sure we got this fact so we had to endure more than 10minutes of being told of just how beautiful her children are.... And BlackPearl just had to air out what we were all thinking and she goes “Good for you Marian. Well done for having light skinned kids”, lol.

And then Simba The Comic King gave a nice finishing touch to the evening. He had the house in roars of laughter with his impression of His Excellency. Worse still when he went like:

“In the words of Junior Brown, pihwai zvimhandara akomana...” ha ha

Afterwards, my friend was like, “that guy is good!” in between bouts of laughter. I couldn’t have said it better myself! And the show ended with Kessiah’s performance. #TotalyGreatMidweekFun!

                                            

PRESS RELEASE: SIMUKA COMEDY FIESTA!!!

Simuka Comedy this December presents to Zimbabwe one of the biggest comedy events of the year ever!

A little history about Simuka Comedy will tell you that it was founded three years ago in June 2010 at The Mannenberg Line up; a show which was hosted by BlackPearl. The line up had Michael K, Carl Joshua Ncube, Doc Vikela, Simba The Comic King and Toropito. From its very beginnings, Simuka has not only been the premium comedy brand in Zimbabwe, but also, the driving force behind the country’s comedy industry. It has even given rise to such great comedians as Q the Boss, Clive Chigubhu and many others. It has also been a training platform for most comedians.

As we come to the close of another successful year for comedy in this country, Simuka Comedy brings to Zimbabwe THREE DAYS that will forever be in the people’s minds. THE FIESTA from now on is going to be an annual event and plans are to bring in comics from outside the country. What is being done here is to celebrate local comedic talent at the fiesta, in the same way we would celebrate international comedic talent.

This festive season is going to be like no other. Comedy has never been better and the Capital’s nightlife has never been at its best. Sponsored by Savanna Dry, Simuka Comedy brings you THREE sensational days of rib cracking laughter at THREE venues with THREE different comedians each night who will make sure you do not regret ever knowing about this event.

The Fiesta runs from the 10^th to the 12^th of December. The first night will be at the Book Café with Doc Vikela, Micahel K and Comrade Fatso, while the second night will be at the Zimbabwe German Society with Simba The Comic King , Clive Chigubhu and Seb Diesel and the last will be back at the Book Café with Carl Joshua Ncube, Nthando Van Moyos and Q The Boss.

All THREE nights, the events will begin at 7pm sharp. Admission is $10 per night. Come and spend your bonuses at Simuka and we will make sure we give you your money’s worth of laughter.

INGENIOUS DESIGNING AT ITS BEST! #TRASHION 2013

If you live in Harare, then you most definitely live with the constant irritation of having to see trash everywhere all the time. Now in an effort to raise awareness about recycling and keeping the environment clean, the Proudly Zimbabwean Foundation held a fashion show dubbed Trashion this last Friday at the Harare International School. Why Trashion? Because it was all about fashion made from trash.

To be honest, at first I was quite skeptical about this whole thing. Wasn’t too sure how great clothes could be made from trash? And what do you know, I was in for a rude awakening! The show started a little late but we didn’t mind at all because we had refreshments being served on the house! (Now who ever minds in a situation like that?J).

So as we were mixing, mingling and enjoying the food, there were models showcasing clothes from Edgars right in the foyer were we were. I could tell everybody was intrigued, because I was! It was so out of the blue, it almost felt like Mobbed, because from nowhere models suddenly appeared, posing and looking serious. Almost expected to see Howie Mendel appearing from nowhere too.

The show finally began, and Derrick Mpofu did his Chisikana Changu Zimbabwe piece, and to say it was beautiful would just be an understatement! The lyrics of the song itself are pure heaven and the singing was just mesmerizing. Yeah, he had that effect. We didn’t catch the presenter’s name; probably because we were too busy enjoying his American accent, lol.

There were quite a number of designers having their clothes showcased and I have never seen such artistry, especially in this country. They made their clothes from such trash items as newspapers, magazines, sacks, tissues, plastic, plastic bottles, paper and a whole lot of other “useless material”. But the collections they managed to come up with were just phenomenal! Mufaro was the crowd favourite and with good reason too. Her collection was a fusion of cloth and such random pieces as refuse bags, dyed sacks, newspapers and pieces of compact discs!

Even the Proudly Zim Foundation chairperson was thoroughly impressed because he promptly donated US$5 000 for Trashion to be repeated. If that isn’t awesome I don’t know what is. Trashion showed evidence of amazing creativity, not just in the designers’ collections but also in the organising.

Kudos to Proudly Zimbabwean Foundation for bringing a fashion show that is not only a first of its kind in the country but something that raises awareness in a creative, classy and interesting way.

WELLCOME HOME!!!

The festive season almost always brings out the best in anyone. What with everyone coming back home for the holidays and everything? It is this time of the year too; that you see hoards and hoards of people coming back in to the country from almost all parts of the world, South Africa especially.

I often feel like Zimbabwe has become the rural home for Zimbabweans living down south. You don’t think so? Well, remember back in the day when people used to come from the rural areas to Harare to work; and then at the end of the year, they would travel with groceries for the folks back home. And what happens nowJ? People in Mzansi are there working and it has become tradition for them to come back home every end of year.

It now feels like S.A is Zimbabwe’s new capital. So sometimes I like to imagine that the cities and towns in Mzansi would be the suburbs of our country’s capital. So Cape Town, J’oburg, Durban and Pretoria would be Zim’s suburbs just like Avondale, Gunhill, Borrowdale, and Highfields, lol.

Alright, back to reality, don’t you think it funny how even though the standard and cost of living there is obviously better than here but most people will always prefer to come back to the motherland? In spite of the long journey, ridiculous hours spent at the border and shock of different environments, they will always come back home to where mama is because there just is no better place to end and begin the year at.

And just like back in the day when people in the rural areas would look forward to their relatives coming back home, people in Zim also look forward to their families coming back home from South Africa. So as you who are in Mzansi are travelling back home from school or work, travel well because we all cannot wait to see you!

We miss you, love you, always look forward to your coming (well, the Rands especially), but all the same, it’s good to have you back home, because there is no place like home after all. And when all the family is together, it doesn’t get any warmer. Happy Festive season Africa!