SATIRE AT ITS CRAZIEST POINT!!! #SIMUKACOMEDYFIESTA

Last night saw the beginning of the first ever Comedy Fiesta in the country – hosted by Simuka Comedy. And to say it was mad crazy fun would be no overstatement!

What did we love most about the show? Most definitely the SATIRE!!! And well, nobody does it better than Doc Vikela! But before we get to that let’s rewind to when the show started. Show started a little later than planned – apparently Simuka had forgotten it was dealing with Africans who on this particular time could be excused if they happened to include Mandela somehow in their reason for being lateJ.

Speaking of Mandela (God rest his soul), the man got so many jabs he could have turned in his casket! And shame on everyone for unashamedly cracking up at the comics’ wicked impressions of the old man!

Madzitatiguru and Gift were the first two open mics and they managed to get the crowd all hyped up that when Shingi went up on stage, the audience could not help but double over with laughter at every turn. What with his poking fun at White people’s dancing and black people’s singing. You just had to laugh at his emphasis on the different types of Black people – the BLACK AMERICAN and the AFRICAN BLACK!!! Lol. Watch out Zim Comic giants! Shingi is coming for you!!! I mean, guy even got a standing ovation!

Did I mention Comrade Fatso was hosting? There is nothing else we can say except that the guy is INSANE!!! Just after Shingi had left the stage, he comes up and says:

“What’s wrong with you Shingi coming up here and talking about what White people can and cannot do. Well let me tell you what white people CAN do! They can live in Borrowdale, they can eat sushi on Sunday...”

By this time we could hardly breathe with laughter. The nerve! Pity he didn’t hear us shouting PFUTSEK!!! from the back, lol. And then it was Doc Vikela’s turn. We need to pause for this one because there was so much energy from the guy it got us exhausted just watching himJ.

He came up to the stage with his signature entrance – dancing to Koffi Olomide’s Lua. Of course the crowd got excited. And then he got around to philosophising about how and why Africans dance the way they do. Apparently, according to the doc; North Africans mostly use their hands to dance because of how they are at the top of the continent (exhibit 1: The Chop My Money Dance), Central Africans use their midsection mostly because they are in the centre (exhibit 2: the rhumba/ndombolo dancesJ). And then Southern Africans were just the best – Zimbabweans especially! Apparently we use our feet mostly. And the sungura came because people were used to riding bicycles and listening to the radio (wireless device would be on the shoulder) ha ha.

Doc is ruthless when he decides to poke fun at popular figures. Dude knows no bounds. Even ZBC, Happiness Muchechetere and a number of ministers were not spared. That is the doc for you. And with that, the show came to an end.  

Tonight, the fiesta moves to the Zim German Society, with Simba The Comic King, Clive Chigubhu and Seb Diesel on the line up. If the first night was that crazy, the second can only reach higher levels of insanity! So let’s make a date eh Africa tonight at 7pm sharp at the ZGS for another night of crazy comedy.

UNEMPLOYED BY 40 – RED RED WINE!!!

Red, red wine
Stay close to me
Don't let me be alone
It's tearin' apart
My blue, blue heart

If you remember these lyrics then you are no longer as young as you would like to believe yourself to beJ.

So someone I know lost a job recently. The hilarious thing is, most of her friends are also jobless – some never got jobs since they left school and others, like her, were just recently fired. Now how does that work really? How is it that we are considered to be a country with one of the highest literacy rates in Africa, yet those many “educated” brains do not seem to be doing anything worth mentioning!

A friend of mine today sounded very frustrated this morning as he was going to work. He has just graduated, is volunteering, so there is no salary to talk about. Some of his peers are already doing their Masters Programs and his frustrations were that he still has to continue with his schooling because there is just too much competition in this country to allow yourself to be complacent and be comfortable with mediocrity. Yet, even with that, getting a job is no piece of cake.

They say “necessity breeds invention”. So how about we quit whining and feeling sorry for ourselves and be a little creative. Duncan Campbell and his whole mob of friends came together in 1978 and gave the world what became one of the best all time bands - UB40.

Lol, so how about we have our own modern day UB40s springing up? UB40 Comedy Club, UB40 Street Theatre, UB40 Clowns...J. So if you were wallowing in self pity, cheer up dear, and make the best of your situation.

#RedRedWine

 

 

THE RAINS HAVE COME #KusortwaNemvura

It was my mom’s birthday last Thursday. And like every daughter who loves her mom, I went on a quest to look for the best gift I could get her. All the ground work had been done by my siblings and what was left was for me to go and look for the gift and buy it.

This was a task and a half! Working with a tight budget in addition to wanting to buy something she would love was no easy job. Luckily, I met a friend who made the task quite enjoyable. Unfortunately though, it started raining whilst we were still shopping. Note: emphasis on the phrase IT STARTED RAINING! Not drizzling uh uh RAINING – CATS AND DOGS!

The annoying thing was, in the morning, the weather had been nothing short of heavenly – nice and sunny. And then all of a sudden from nowhere, the weather made a drastic transformation. As if getting soaked on a good day wasn’t enough, it had to happen when I had nothing warm on. It made me think of the gals out there who like to put on weather friendly clothing which in this season is usually nothing. Lol, at this time wearing close to nothing was hell on earth because it was COLD!!!

The good thing about town is that almost every building has a shade so if you are late like we were and cannot afford to wait out the rain, you can edge your way along the shaded pavements till you get to where you are going. Oh did I mention none of us had an umbrella? No, we didn’t have umbrellas, no car, no taxi money and we were in uptown and had to go all the way to downtown for our kombis! Yeah, it’s definitely being served by the heavens when they decide to empty themselves on us like that!

So what we would do is edge along the shades, and then run like the wind when we had to cross roads. You just had to laugh at the way we got confused once we were on the other side because all we were thinking of was the need to get out of the rain. And then when we would have gotten to the other side we would find ourselves going in different directions :) .

When we finally thought of getting an umbrella, we were almost by the kombis, but here is the funny thing. The rain wasn’t as heavy anymore, but the roads were now FLOODED! So much that most times there was no way of getting to the other side without wading through a body of dirty brown water. If you had cheap shoes, then this just was not your day.

Interesting thing is, even with that kind of nasty weather, people will not leave town! Traffic was just crazy, too much unnecessary congestion. And then well, there just had to be some drama. Some guy thought he would make a quick profit, grabbed some lady’s purse, and well, provided us with a scene because here we were watching thief and victims playing cops and robbers, lol you have never seen a man run like his life depended on it, because this one – his life actually did depend on it.

And what of the people who kept missing their steps and falling head on in to the dirty puddles? Thursday afternoon was definitely THE afternoon to be in town. And yeah I did get served - what with the whole getting soaked? Lol.

Kunonzi kusortwa nemvura chaiko.

#ALMOSTAllDivas MAKES A SMASHING DEBUT!!!

Tuesday night was just a crazy night at the Book Café as #ALMOSTAllDivas made its first appearance. There was a reasonably good crowd, with more divas in the house obviously. Yey to the girl power support! Women cracking jokes on stage was an extremely welcome relief especially when the show was happening in line with the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender Based Violence.

BlackPearl was hosting the show and to say she killed it would be an understatement! But let’s put a pause on that for now and talk about Kessiah. Kessiah was first up and ha ha the diva is insane. Our favourite was when she did impressions of women crying at funerals – our African funerals. J You just had to be there, because that gal can put up a show!

Izzy the Witt was next and well nothing does it like a diva who talks like she knows everybody has got to sit, shut it and listen because she is on stage. We totally loved. But then again, it’s probably a poetry thing because even BlackPearl had that effect on stage and they are both poets.

Speaking of BlackPearl, we never want to miss her show ever. What with the invaluable info she always has for the ladies? No way! Our fav was when she coached us on how to get a guy to get you a drink at a fancy place and then lose him in ten minutes. At this point we got an N.B – it’s not gold digging, the gold is already on the surface, so all you are doing is picking it up, lol!

Marian was the last diva of the show and my oh my was it a chore for us. Two minutes in to her set we had more than gotten the point that she has a rainbow family, with mixed blood beautiful children. She on the other hand felt it of utmost import to make sure we got this fact so we had to endure more than 10minutes of being told of just how beautiful her children are.... And BlackPearl just had to air out what we were all thinking and she goes “Good for you Marian. Well done for having light skinned kids”, lol.

And then Simba The Comic King gave a nice finishing touch to the evening. He had the house in roars of laughter with his impression of His Excellency. Worse still when he went like:

“In the words of Junior Brown, pihwai zvimhandara akomana...” ha ha

Afterwards, my friend was like, “that guy is good!” in between bouts of laughter. I couldn’t have said it better myself! And the show ended with Kessiah’s performance. #TotalyGreatMidweekFun!

                                            

PRESS RELEASE: SIMUKA COMEDY FIESTA!!!

Simuka Comedy this December presents to Zimbabwe one of the biggest comedy events of the year ever!

A little history about Simuka Comedy will tell you that it was founded three years ago in June 2010 at The Mannenberg Line up; a show which was hosted by BlackPearl. The line up had Michael K, Carl Joshua Ncube, Doc Vikela, Simba The Comic King and Toropito. From its very beginnings, Simuka has not only been the premium comedy brand in Zimbabwe, but also, the driving force behind the country’s comedy industry. It has even given rise to such great comedians as Q the Boss, Clive Chigubhu and many others. It has also been a training platform for most comedians.

As we come to the close of another successful year for comedy in this country, Simuka Comedy brings to Zimbabwe THREE DAYS that will forever be in the people’s minds. THE FIESTA from now on is going to be an annual event and plans are to bring in comics from outside the country. What is being done here is to celebrate local comedic talent at the fiesta, in the same way we would celebrate international comedic talent.

This festive season is going to be like no other. Comedy has never been better and the Capital’s nightlife has never been at its best. Sponsored by Savanna Dry, Simuka Comedy brings you THREE sensational days of rib cracking laughter at THREE venues with THREE different comedians each night who will make sure you do not regret ever knowing about this event.

The Fiesta runs from the 10^th to the 12^th of December. The first night will be at the Book Café with Doc Vikela, Micahel K and Comrade Fatso, while the second night will be at the Zimbabwe German Society with Simba The Comic King , Clive Chigubhu and Seb Diesel and the last will be back at the Book Café with Carl Joshua Ncube, Nthando Van Moyos and Q The Boss.

All THREE nights, the events will begin at 7pm sharp. Admission is $10 per night. Come and spend your bonuses at Simuka and we will make sure we give you your money’s worth of laughter.

INGENIOUS DESIGNING AT ITS BEST! #TRASHION 2013

If you live in Harare, then you most definitely live with the constant irritation of having to see trash everywhere all the time. Now in an effort to raise awareness about recycling and keeping the environment clean, the Proudly Zimbabwean Foundation held a fashion show dubbed Trashion this last Friday at the Harare International School. Why Trashion? Because it was all about fashion made from trash.

To be honest, at first I was quite skeptical about this whole thing. Wasn’t too sure how great clothes could be made from trash? And what do you know, I was in for a rude awakening! The show started a little late but we didn’t mind at all because we had refreshments being served on the house! (Now who ever minds in a situation like that?J).

So as we were mixing, mingling and enjoying the food, there were models showcasing clothes from Edgars right in the foyer were we were. I could tell everybody was intrigued, because I was! It was so out of the blue, it almost felt like Mobbed, because from nowhere models suddenly appeared, posing and looking serious. Almost expected to see Howie Mendel appearing from nowhere too.

The show finally began, and Derrick Mpofu did his Chisikana Changu Zimbabwe piece, and to say it was beautiful would just be an understatement! The lyrics of the song itself are pure heaven and the singing was just mesmerizing. Yeah, he had that effect. We didn’t catch the presenter’s name; probably because we were too busy enjoying his American accent, lol.

There were quite a number of designers having their clothes showcased and I have never seen such artistry, especially in this country. They made their clothes from such trash items as newspapers, magazines, sacks, tissues, plastic, plastic bottles, paper and a whole lot of other “useless material”. But the collections they managed to come up with were just phenomenal! Mufaro was the crowd favourite and with good reason too. Her collection was a fusion of cloth and such random pieces as refuse bags, dyed sacks, newspapers and pieces of compact discs!

Even the Proudly Zim Foundation chairperson was thoroughly impressed because he promptly donated US$5 000 for Trashion to be repeated. If that isn’t awesome I don’t know what is. Trashion showed evidence of amazing creativity, not just in the designers’ collections but also in the organising.

Kudos to Proudly Zimbabwean Foundation for bringing a fashion show that is not only a first of its kind in the country but something that raises awareness in a creative, classy and interesting way.

WELLCOME HOME!!!

The festive season almost always brings out the best in anyone. What with everyone coming back home for the holidays and everything? It is this time of the year too; that you see hoards and hoards of people coming back in to the country from almost all parts of the world, South Africa especially.

I often feel like Zimbabwe has become the rural home for Zimbabweans living down south. You don’t think so? Well, remember back in the day when people used to come from the rural areas to Harare to work; and then at the end of the year, they would travel with groceries for the folks back home. And what happens nowJ? People in Mzansi are there working and it has become tradition for them to come back home every end of year.

It now feels like S.A is Zimbabwe’s new capital. So sometimes I like to imagine that the cities and towns in Mzansi would be the suburbs of our country’s capital. So Cape Town, J’oburg, Durban and Pretoria would be Zim’s suburbs just like Avondale, Gunhill, Borrowdale, and Highfields, lol.

Alright, back to reality, don’t you think it funny how even though the standard and cost of living there is obviously better than here but most people will always prefer to come back to the motherland? In spite of the long journey, ridiculous hours spent at the border and shock of different environments, they will always come back home to where mama is because there just is no better place to end and begin the year at.

And just like back in the day when people in the rural areas would look forward to their relatives coming back home, people in Zim also look forward to their families coming back home from South Africa. So as you who are in Mzansi are travelling back home from school or work, travel well because we all cannot wait to see you!

We miss you, love you, always look forward to your coming (well, the Rands especially), but all the same, it’s good to have you back home, because there is no place like home after all. And when all the family is together, it doesn’t get any warmer. Happy Festive season Africa!